


Pinch Me

by silvercobwebs



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: (the July one), Angst and Humor, Comfort, M/M, Spideypool Secret Santa Gift Exchange, blood (but only a little)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1997844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvercobwebs/pseuds/silvercobwebs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade can't accept a good thing, even when it literally hits him in the face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pinch Me

He hates it when his nose gets broken. It’s not the pain or anything; that no longer registers, but it’s the damn dried blood. It gets stuck in his nose, it goes all gross and crusty, and then breathing becomes awkward and erratic, and he’s really not into the whole breathplay kink. It’s one of those things that drastically looses their appeal when it’s been done without a safeword. Or, you know, the exact opposite of safety.

Besides, it’s even more annoying than he is, and that just aaaaaiiin’t right, sonny boy.

Wade rubs a hand over the vague location of his face and hears a weird cracking sound as the bones and cartilage shifts and start to realign themselves. No bone too smushed for the Almighty Handy Dandy Healing Factor O’ Awesome to fix, right? Besides, that’s the worst of his injuries; his opponent has left him with a couple of mild bruises at best. Maybe a cracked rib or three. Definitely a stubbed toe. (how the hell did that happen?) What a loser.

'Oh my God Wade, what on Earth are you playing at?! I could have really hurt you,' Spider-Man fails spectacularly at not sounding like a mother hen (a mother Spider? Do spider moms worry about their spiderlings? Wade makes a mental note to check Wikipedia, then immediately trashes it after making a new mental note to look up 'mental notes' on Wikipedia.)

Deadpool throws a punch his made-up-on-the-spot drunken grandmother could have avoided with ease and sighs loudly.

'Line!'

'What?'

'LIIIINE!”

Peter takes a tentative step forward. ‘Wade I really think you need to sit down or take a Valium or six be-‘

'No! Your line, dummy. You obviously forgot your line. You’re ruining the moment! And quite frankly I’m insulted by this lack of professionalism.’

'Okay, that's it,' Peter says, and holy wow that kid is fast because Wade’s head is spinning even more than usual as he finds himself thrown across the alleyway and thwip! thwip! He’s one neat little wriggly package of Spidey prey, and Peter is advancing.

Heh. So how does Spidey get his mask to do that squinty eyed thing again?

///

Now where was he again? Ah yes, context.

You see, if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. That could be the Wilson motto, Wade decided long ago. Well, “Winter Is Coming” was taken, and although “Bite My Shiny Metal Ass” was always a strong contender, Wade always thought that one should be more of a Nate thing, if he could only have got the big TO-infested lug into Futurama… But he digresses.

Good stuff doesn’t happen to him. Simple fact. So when he starts dat-…fuc-…uhh…courting?) Mr. Amazingly Spectacular Sensational Insert-Adjective-Here Fancy Arachnid Butt Cheeks himself? Well, it’s either bound to end in tears, violence, or more angst than the entirety of Barnes and Noble’s Paranormal Romance section. And that’s if things don’t go too badly. Thing is, Wade has a bit of an issue with his brain. It tends to get chewed up and spat out by every Tom Dick, Killebrew and Butler and he forgets things, mis-remembers stuff…Hell the truth is – he’s not even sure just how much of what he knows ever really happened, or is happening, and so one day he asks Pete to maybe lend a hand.

Well, maybe he doesn’t use those exact words, and maybe he just happens to “accidentally” start a fist fight and maybe, just maybe he’s almost sort-of regretting it now because Pete looks seriously pissed. And worried. Wade hates that face. Makes him feel like he could churn butter with his guts.

'I said what are you doing?' Peter helpfully repeats, and Wade absently wonders how successful that particular narratorial device was.

'Playing the kazoo.' Wade offers a grin, which quickly morphs into a hopeful smile and a really bad attempt at puppy eyes as Peter leans in close and aggressively breathes on him. Oh come on! Aggressive breathing is totally a torture tactic, what with the flashy eyes, borderline pout and warm lips just inches away from his- ooh! A shiny thing!

‘Wade.’

'I like fighting.' Wade attempts a nonchalant shrug, which turns out to be particularly tricky where you're a) non-nonch, and b) webbed to a damp wall. He really hopes it's not the one he saw that dog peeing against earlier…

Spidey looks as if he’s ready to walk, so Wade hastily continues. ‘I mean, it keeps the old noggin minty fresh for a few minutes, ya dig? Things are, I dunno, clearer? Happy memories from those joyful days of lil’ Wade. Ahh, I remember the womb so well. There was free food and warm surroundings. I want to go back. Hit me. You know you want to.’

'Some people tie a knot in a hanky when they want to remember stuff.' Peter sighs, eyes narrowing. 'But you just have to be different, don't you?'

'You don't have to chop a limb off, or anything. Just call it an… extreme love tap,'

'Uh huh. Great. So why are you actually doing this?’ Arms cross over a blue and red-covered torso. Uh oh. Teacher pose. ‘We’ve got thirty minutes before the webbing wears off, remember, and in Deadpool time I believe that’s at least seventy two years.’

Damnit, Wade had almost forgotten how well Pete knew his Achilles Heel! Heels. Okay, so maybe Achilles had an army full of crappy cloned heel people, shut up. A petulant whine escapes his lips. Peter remains unimpressed.

'Well?'

'Okay alright, I cave. Jig's up, the canary's been sprung, the Kool-Aid's smashed his little juggy features-'

'Wade…'

'You got me spidey-kins. I'm just… you know. Uh. Really kinky. Right! Ooohhh hurt me baby. Hurt me good.’

Nose pinched between two fingers, Peter sighs. ‘Wade.’ he implores the other man, almost defeated. He barely hears the next few words, muttered, hooded under thin material and self-loathing.

'If we fight.. I mean… If it hurts then I know it’s still…you know. Real.’

The webbing is neatly torn from Wade’s wrists, but he remains firmly pressed against the wall, a strong hand bunched up in red and black. ‘You are such an idiot.’ Peter whispers, a kiss so firmly planted on his lips Wade wonders for a moment if it might stay rooted there forever. A garden of kisses. Sounds kinda nice.

Then an unexpected nip at his side makes him blink. ‘Ow?!’

Peter pinches once more, only softly, lower down and on fleshy, alarmingly well-shaped muscle. ‘Believe this is real?’ he smiles, loosening his grip.

Wade’s head inclines whilst he rubs his backside. ‘Hmph. Maybe. Wanna kiss it better?’

A kiss, then another is placed against warm lips and a soft noise escapes Wade’s mouth, and its just not fair how good a kisser Peter is, it really isn’t, because he has this uncanny (no X-gene required) ability to make almost everything disappear for that moment and everything is so so good. And it’s weird really, when Wade comes to think of it, because lips are just the fancy packaging around your food hole being pushed together and yet… Wow, right?

Maybe he shouldn’t be thinking so much about this? Or maybe he really should because if things keep going the way they’re going then there’s going to be an explosion, or an interruption, or a Phoenix with PMS at their door or something because he just knows that-

'Stop that.' Peter scowls, and pokes Wade in the arm with a decidedly pointy digit.

'Huh?'

'You're thinking again.' Peter says, loosening his grip. 'Don't you know that's the Number Two cause of all Deadpool-related accidents?'

Wade cocks his head. ‘What’s Number One then?’

'You not thinking.' Peter shrugs. 'Yeah, your turkey's still kinda stuffed either way, I know.'

'But on the other hand you say “your turkey is stuffed” when everyone else would say “you're fucked, dude”, and that's kinda adorable, Spidey.'

'You really think this might all be in your head still? Why?'

Wade offers a non-committal grunt. ‘Experience, I guess.’

There is a pause so pregnant Wade soon expects to see some kind of silken sack of webbing explode from Peter’s butt and out scurry their hundreds of adorable little offspring. He can just see it now. They’d have Pete’s eyes and his penchant for crawling across people’s faces in the middle of the night. Ahhh. It’s like a wonderful dream…

'Oh Wade…' Peter whispers, their fingers suddenly entwined. He swallows, and their gaze locks. 'You could never make up anyone as amazing as me.'

Wade’s mouth opens, shuts, like a broken automatic door. ‘That’s…’ his brow knots. ‘That’s actually very comforting. Heh. Stoopid rules!’

'You are impossible.' Peter finally smiles.

'Hey look, an adjective not already Spideyfied. I'm gonna go patent this baby right now.' His head turns as Peter tugs him backward. 'I mean, right after this ki-mmmmppph.'

///

He never knows when the next one’s coming; there’s no pattern or reason to it, as far as Wade’s concerned, but Peter continues to pinch him at the most inappropriate of times; before sex, after sex, that one time after he caught him trying on his costume, the evening after they spent the day with Aunt May…

It’s not even enough to leave the barest hint of a mark on Wade’s already marred skin, and yet he can feel it for hours after, a tiny act that seems to tug directly on his fraying heart-strings, and it’s ridiculous, because as he tells Peter one day, it proves nothing. Peter can’t make things real in Wade’s head by a silly little squeeze of his unnaturally lumpy flesh. He could still be in the Matrix, just the full on Surround Sound Touchy Feely edition.

'Whoever said I was doing it for you?’ Peter replies, and suddenly Wade runs clean out of smart remarks.

End.


End file.
